SATIRE: The charades (Episode1) Nightwalkers By: Abdulrasaq Luqman

Ibadan would have been a peaceful night had it been Aremu wasn’t found running far away from the police. The sirens could be heard by a deaf man on the street. All other nightwalkers could hear the clatter of boots and the disgusting sound dancing from the policemen’s bellies. They were becoming many and more, and which made Aremu Oringbemi to pass through the dark tunnel, opposite him. He got out through an exit opened gutter and ducks his hand into his chest pocket. He brought a black piece of paper and thank God Sarah had taught him how to read a little bit! He read to himself and concentrated on the paper more than he had concentrated on the road. He was lately cautioned by a horn from a very close coming lorry; he was bamboozled back into the hole. He rolled a million times inside it and was moaning very loud. Silence peeped through everywhere; from the lorry, from the neighborhood, from the drunkards, from the jokers and even from the lunatics.

“Alaye!” one drunken Agbero said in a thick voice “are you still breathing?” he said in a low thick voice and laughed out loud whilst thick spit were dripping from his down lip. “oya help him…we no need fertilizer for here again. One goat just died last week”. People started rushing towards him. Aremu couldn’t hear what a butcher was saying; the one that was trying to help of course! He was fully covered in his own blood. He was just standing mute and nodding his head affirmatively.

“What happened…someone should help him… are your alright, sir? Are you okay…careful…carefull…” these were the words from iya bili, the paraga seller “someone should get him water…” she added. Aremu gave a heavy sigh and swallowed his own saliva.

“Calamity…Death!” Those were the words of the passersby

Aremu raised his hand from the gutter and he was quickly helped by the butcher who had been standing still and watching since.

 Aremu gave sigh from all the noises he had perceived, and while enjoying relaxation, he heard the sirens and the whistle of the very close policemen. He took to heels as a mouse must not be caught by a cat for stealing. No time to rest. He passed through Thinner Street which could only allow the sounds from the feet of men, and this made the policemen run after him with their boots worn.

“Hey…Stop you!… Stop you…” shouted officer Opomu, breathing heavily while running after him. He run faster as his legs could carry him. He passed through a market and was mingling with the people; trying to find his way off

“Stop!..”Officer Opomu kept on shouting while the distance between them was getting farer.

Opomu, the fat belly detective, an expert in arresting matured goats. He could fire the wind to fall. He is thin as an elephant and tall like a dwarf. He is a well known police officer, very close to joints; maybe in different relationship will all the paraga joints. No wonder he was trying to give the running Aremu a tougher time.

Aremu jumped through a fence and found himself at the entrance of a large building. He got hold of his foots, groaned and bowed his head, he was seriously bleeding. He looked around for a moment and kept his pace while trying to find his way into the building.

Amadi stood still right at the front of the bonnet of the self acclaimed wagon, confused. The night was still pure, dark still, scary but lovely and full of horrors. He raised his head and pointed at Tanagan who was direct opposite Opomu in term of appearance and while in similarities, they both have the same sense of humour!

“Hey you follow me…” He pursed for some moments and looked scornfully at Opomu who had been smirking his face since. He sat at the driver’s side and Opomu watched the Wagon vanish into the thin air from the dark night. He stretched, yawned, rubbed his bald head with his nails and placed his head on the cushion till he dosed off. He dosed off forgetting he was a police officer. He left his radio on, which kept on bringing his boss’s voice out.

“Opomu!... Opomu… pick…” instead he snored more and changed the position of his body to the left side.

“Opomu’…” his boss, Amadi, who was now around knocked on the glass very hard “Opomu… Opomu” He yelled out again.

“Open the door” Amadi said loudly but sounded faintly as he was bagging the windows very hard. Opomu opened his eyes swiftly and glance at his boss so hard; so hard at Amadi like he was looking at a dead naked woman from a local stream behind the shrine. He bent his neck to the left side and was circumambulating his eyeballs like they were on pilgrim duties. It took him some million of seconds to finally come back to his senses. 

“Sorry boss…” he said apologetically as he quickly opened the door.

“How do you want to see the suspect…in your dream?” Amadi asked furiously, stretching his eyeballs hard as he was hopping into the vehicle. Opomu lips were glued together as he couldn’t utter any of the twenty-six alphabets to shield himself. He quickly inserted the key into the ignition hole and they were off.

“We are heading to that apartment…” Amadi ordered as he was pointing to a direction. “It’s the only building we haven’t searched”

“Yes sir” Opomu drove without hesitating. He drove through the dark streets and they were right at the front of the opened-gate. They became suspicious as the check post was empty. There was none there. The gate was also widely opened. They both glanced at each other as they sighted the guard. 

“You idiot! Where have you been?” Opomu asked angrily. He knew he was up for it. His voice wasn’t either up for but he knew he had to do it right in front of his boss. 

“I was…the…toilet” the man stammered while pointing to a bush. He could see with the faces, they weren’t convinced. “My wife…she cooked beans…with egg...and” Amadi waved at him to stop talking like he already knew the end of the epic. 

“Have you seen anybody pass here?” Amadi asked in anguish.

“Nobody can pass here…” he replied confidently.

“Hey mister! ” Opomu called out “how sure are you?”

“Because…Fredrick is sitting right there” he said while pointing to his cubicle

“Who is then the Fredrick…” Opomu asked, moving closer to the building

“It’s my dog…very dangerous”  the guard, Adisa said “the last time he bit two corrupt police officers on their right ears”

“Shooo.. .How can a dog smell corrupt officer?” Opomu said in hesitation

“You can check yourself, sir…” Adisa said pointing to the cubicle.  Opomu stood still with his feet fixed on the wet floor. Maybe he was corrupt! Or maybe not!

“Opomu, go check” Amadi ordered

“Sir…” he asked his boss. Amadi frowned at him and he picked his steps. He moved closer to where the dog was lying still inside the cubicle with his umbrella above his head. It was seriously raining. “Hey, dog…” Opomu yelled out.

“Sir, its Fredrick…” Adisa gesticulated. Opomu gave a heavy sigh and moved closer. He swallowed his saliva into his potbelly and his heartbeats could be heard by a deaf man

“Hey Fredrick…fredr…” the dog barked before Opomu could finish calling its name out the second time. Opomu moved backward…and more backward to his former position. The dog kept on barking till they hop inside their wagon again and then they waived at Adisa.

“What if the dog has taken one of my ears…?” Opomu asked rhetorically while taking the wheel. Amadi looked at him and chuckled to himself. “It’s not funny sir...” Amadi looked at his sergeant and shook his head negatively.

“Then you are corrupt...” Amadi said scornfully with a smile on his face. Opomu grinned and he shined his golden teeth to his boss. They were still on this, laughing out loud when a pretty woman in yellow nightgown drops her two palms on the bonnet of their wagon. They sat inside the car still, looking at her and at each other for a while. Opomu remember the movie he had watched at a cinema about a witch in a yellow gown chasing a policeman in his uniform. Opomu started sweating profusely as he remembered hating horror things especially in the night. They withdraw from the wagon and were right at the stairs, hurriedly, following the woman in her nightgown. She knew she cannot run faster like them, so she pointed to her room and both officers banged the door opened and Alas! There was Aremu Oringbemi inside the room with a dead man on the floor. He was in blood, confused, and in fear. Amadi ordered his boys to arrest him while he was trying to explain he had committed no murder. Questions kept flowing in Amadi’s mind…

Who the hell is the deceased?

Why Aremu did kill the deceased?

Did Aremu really Killed him? 

 

Abdulrazaq Luqman